hello James, Fang, Alex, and whoever else happens to know about this…
Originally when I posted the link to my LJ on xanga, I really wanted to share with people somehow about the all the lessons that I’d been learning, and all the good things that were going on. And I think I posted the link right after someone anonymous had found my LJ and left a really kind comment about how they thought my journal was inspirational. (and i apologize if it sounds like i’m tooting my own horn!)–thank you again, btw, if you’re still out there… but i really felt that somehow i ought to share what’s been going on, especially all that God’s done…and i thought that xanga was pretty dead (which i still believe), and so i figured only those who were really dedicated would see the link. Especially because I made the switch from xanga.com/miraclelove77 to xanga.com/thetruthis01 around the decline of xanga, so most ppl never ended up subscribing to the new one anyway. and it had literally been over a year since i’d last posted on xanga.
But I guess I was wrong. Apparently it got sent out that I’m bringing Xanga back. LOL which is definitely NOT what I intended to happen. But I just checked, and only 17 ppl are still subscribed to xanga.com/thetruthis01, and most of them are friends from home.
And I did do a lot to hide this journal–I made sure that when you google Jenny fung, or Jenny MEIV, or even Jenny and Craisin [insert real name here], that my blog didn’t pop up, or if it did, it was a few pages in. But then I decided to post the link. Bad move on my part, I suppose.
And so I apologize.
My original intent of sharing my blog was for ppl to be encouraged by it, to see how messy, ugly, wonderful, petty, happy and sometimes petty my life truly is, and how God is still able to do good things amidst all of that. I kept the name thetruthis01 because that’s exactly what I write about–how I’m feeling, what I’m learning, what I’m convicted of, what’s going on in my life, etc. It’s straight up “Celebrating | Ranting” and “spewing uncensored thoughts to see where they fall”. I don’t want to censor what’s going on in my life, because I don’t think that’s real. And yes, a lot of times I write about the crap that’s happening, and I forget to write about the good, or how it was resolved, or if it still needs/doesn’t need closure, and for that, I am sorry. This year I think we’ve all learned how easy it is to complain and only portray the negative side of things, even if there are good things to celebrate. And part of it is that I was juggling a number of blogs for the majority of the life of my LJ, so even if I did post about good things, or resolutions, they never made the migration to this blog. But enough with the excuses.
I’m sorry for using real names. I’m sorry for writing the truth about how I felt, and not actually talking to people about it. (I hope I haven’t done that too much, but I honestly can’t remember). This year especially, I think I’ve been learning a lot about conflict resolution–and even at Cedar we talked about it.
But I will try my best to keep this journal for what it is–the truth. or at least, my version of it. It’s good to see that God can always take the crappy ugly nasty situations and redeem them for his glory. And that’s why I write about them. It’s just…I don’t always write about the good that comes out of it. Especially if I can’t see it from my vantage point. But I’ll try to remember. I’ll try not to leave loose ends of awfulness hanging.
And please, if I do write something about one of you who happens to read this, please don’t think that I’m doing it to be passive aggressive, or to flatter you…I’m just trying to be honest. Right now I can think of some things that I wanted to post, and I just don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea…like now that you know about this, now i’ll write things about you kind of thing. because i was going to write it anyway, regardless…
But that’s it. There it is.