For the past week or so, every night I’ve been having a dream that I’m at an InterVarsity conference. what?? I don’t know if I just miss the community, or if God is trying to remind me of something, but it’s the strangest thing ever. I don’t even dwell on IV during the day, I’m just going about living my life as normal, and yet every night it’s either a random conference that doesn’t reflect something in real life but I know it’s for IV, or, like last night, it’s the real deal. Last night I dreamt that I was at Cedar, and my friends Esther and Lyn were leading the vision team through planning and training for the next year. And this time they were teaching on prayer. I’m not saying that I endorse these ideas or anything, this is just what was in my dream. It was something like through prayer you grow closer to God, and there’s two ways of doing it–one is on your own, when you take the initiative to speak to God and almost force yourself to grow closer through your own efforts, and the second way was (there was a big scholarly word for it) when the Holy Spirit just comes upon you and inspires it, and you commune with God.
I didn’t think too much of it, except to say that I really miss God. I know he’s close at hand, but my spiritual life has just been lackluster in some ways this past month and a half. And a lot of it is my fault, I know. I was telling Maya yesterday that I (and she feels the same) miss having people to pour into. For so long there’s always been younger people to invest in, to help grow their walks with God, and I feel stoppered up. Like there’s a dam. And yet God continues to shower me with blessings that I don’t deserve. Grace.
And as I finish up Ezekiel (taken me long enough) the idea of today’s chapters is that the temple is being rebuilt so that God can dwell with his people. Because he wants to live among us, he longs for a close relationship with us. And it’s our sin, idolatry, and rebellion that prevents that. I know it’s my fault that I miss God, that I miss the close relationship we had.
One of my friends (aquaintances?) on facebook posted this:
“Self-will and prayer are both ways of getting things done. At the center of self-will is me, carving a world in my image, but at the center of prayer is God, carving me in his Son’s image.” – Paul E. Miller in A Praying Life.
I dont’ want to draw close to God on sheer will and force. I want a relationship, I want to commune. “it’s gotta be more like falling in love, than something to believe in.”
And this morning in my devotional there was a quote that I loved that just spoke to what was going on at church.
“We are not meant to be seen as God’s perfect, bright-shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace.”
it’s been a good morning.